THE LOVE LANGUAGE OF A DOG TRAINER

I LOVE DOGS.  
You love dogs.  If you didn’t, you wouldn’t spend the time and money to take classes with your dog or otherwise hire a behavior professional:  Me. 

It’s a love fest up in here! 

This pretty much describes me.  If you are in my world and trying to understand your dog so that you have a great and happy life together, then I love you for it. 

Now that we’ve established that, lets talk about something we can all do together to change the lives of dogs. To ensure that dogs and people thrive together.

WE ARE PASSIONATE.
Dog Trainers, like most caretakers, have a lot on their plates.  Some by choice, some by happenstance.  Your trainer is very likely not only running classes, seeing private clients, writing plans, writing clients notes, helping out the local shelter and/or rescue, writing, presenting, working hard to develop relationships with other professionals such as veterinarians, talking over cases with other trainers, but also trying to stay sane in an woefully unregulated  industry and help you, her beloved peeps, navigate these treacherous waters as well. 

Phew.  That is a lot!

Photo by Lucas Pezeta from Pexels

SELF-CARE & HOLDING EACH OTHER UP.
We also spend time, some might say waste time but I say this is self-care, laughing at the antics of dogs being dogs, running playgroups that make us laugh at the antics of dogs being dogs, having competitions among ourselves to see whose dog is the doggiest dog, telling jokes about dogs, sharing funny stories about dogs and clients that we love for their over the top dedication, and pretty much doing anything that is about happy dogs being happy dogs.

On our lowest of low days, we share our sweetest dog photos with each other as a reminder that tomorrow will be better.

This is our therapy, this is what keeps us in the harder stuff day after day. 

We hold each other up.    

CHANGING OUR LANGUAGE POINT OF VIEW

REMOVE AND/OR REPLACE THE FOLLOWING WORDS FROM YOUR CONVERSATION ABOUT YOUR COMPANION ANIMALS. 

DOMINANCE

LEADERSHIP

ALPHA

PACK

BOSS

STUBBORN

EAGER TO PLEASE

BAD DOG

This is my personal list, and the ones that I hear most often. 

I reached out to my network of over 300 of the best trainers I know and here are just SOME of their additions:

Spiteful, Knows Better, It doesn’t REALLY hurt him, Guilty, Discipline, Commands (instead of Cues),  No Focus on Me, Just Wants to Please, Dramatic, Needy, Bribing (in relation to using food for reward/motivation), Firm Hand, Rehabilitation, Manipulative, Hierarchy, Tough Love,  Obedience, and the more recent additions, (because we didn’t have enough right?!)  Arousal and Over-Socialization. 

Do these lists surprise you my friends?  I suspect they do. 

Do you recognize any of these from your own language, or the language of people you know? 
I realize, as do my colleagues, that you are just using the descriptions that you have read, seen, and heard in the media and on TV, but TV is not real life, and the media is, well the media is the media.  They thrive on the dramatic, be damned the consequences to your relationship with your dog. 

 
I know you, and I know you want good things for your dog. 
That is why I am here to tell you that these words and phrases hurt.
they hurt our relationships with our dogs because they color the way you see our dogs and the things our dog do. 

‘Although we can’t talk to our dogs, and we can’t have meetings to discuss how we’ll relate to each other, we can do our dogs a service by recognizing that when dogs struggle to fit into a very human world, they aren’t being defiant or stubborn. Dogs, like all animals, are simply behaving in ways that have always helped them to survive and thrive: they’re making a living in their world.’

Kristi Benson, Making a Living in The World: Anthropology, the Evolution of Behaviour, and Training Dogs

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THE LOVE LANGUAGE OF DOG TRAINERS
So, what I am here before you asking, is that the next time you are talking about your dog, and one of these descriptions surfaces, stop, take a moment, and consider if there is another reason for what your dog is doing that has nothing at all to do with bad intentions or knowledge. 
Perhaps they just don’t know, or are scared, or trying to stay safe. 
Maybe they are confused.  Maybe there is a better word for that. 

Try describing the behavior NOT the intention. 
You will be surprised at how differently you will see your dog from this one simple thing!  
Your dog trainer will swoon with happiness!

Originally I intended to offer some alternative descriptors to the ones listed here.  In the end though, I decided not to because I actually would prefer we stop thinking of dogs as doing things with the intention of getting away with something or some other nefarious purpose they are brewing up. 
This is not who dogs are. 

I would prefer that these words just fade into the past.   

MORE ON THIS TOPIC? HECK YES!

Language Matters - Why Wolf Pack Terminology is Bad for Dogs
Kristi Benson, CTC/Kristi Benson Dog Training, for Dog International

Re-Arranging Metaphors for Dogs
Zazie Todd, PhD, Companion Animal Psychology

Attributes Ascribed To Dogs That Have Nothing To Do With Dogs
Kelly Duggan, CTC/All Dogs Go To Kevin, for Your Pit Bull & You

The Problem With Labels, Littermate Syndrome: Does It Exist?
Tim Steele, CTC, Behavior Matters Academy

Making a Living in The World: Anthropology, the Evolution of Behaviour, and Training Dogs
Kristi Benson, CTC/Kristi Benson Dog Training for Companion Animal Psychology

A Well Balanced Companion
Joan Forry, Ph.D., CPDT-KA, CTC, The Dog Abides

Cover photo for this post: Photo by Ray Bilcliff from Pexels